Are You Having “Vanilla Sex” ?

Have you ever wondered what ‘vanilla sex’ is? If so, you’re not alone! Vanilla sex is a common term used to describe traditional sexual activities. In this blog post, we explore what vanilla sex means and why it’s important to understand the concept.

Introduction to Vanilla Sex

Vanilla sex is a term used to describe sexual activity which is considered to be standard, traditional, or normal. It is typically a consensual and mutual exchange of pleasure between partners. It can include activities such as kissing, oral sex, and penetrative intercourse, but usually does not involve any twists or kinkiness. The term was initially created by kink communities to differentiate between non-kinky and kinky activities, and has since become widely accepted. While vanilla sex has been given a bad rap in the past, it can be a great way for couples to be intimate and express their love for one another. In this blog post, we will discuss what exactly vanilla sex is, the history of the term, the benefits and drawbacks of it, and how partners can incorporate it into their relationship.

What Is Vanilla Sex?

When it comes to sex, one term that’s often thrown around is “vanilla”. But what does it actually mean? Vanilla sex is a term coined by the BDSM community to mean ‘plain’ sex. That doesn’t mean boring sex, however. It encompasses a whole lot more than just missionary position in the dark. It’s an intimate type of sex that involves more of a mutual give and take of pleasure. Typically, vanilla sex includes tender caresses and affectionate behavior between partners. Common examples include oral sex, handjobs, masturbation and foreplay. While it may not involve any kind of kink or intense play, vanilla sex can still be incredibly satisfying for both partners.

Common Examples of Vanilla Sex

So, what are some common examples of vanilla sex? As mentioned earlier, the most popular example is missionary. However, there are many other examples of vanilla sex. These can include oral sex, kissing, light touching, and giggling. It’s important to keep in mind that what one couple considers vanilla sex may be different from another couple’s definition. Ultimately, it comes down to personal preference. Some couples may even find that incorporating a few kinky elements into their vanilla sex can spice things up and make it more enjoyable.

The Reason Behind the Term

Vanilla sex is a term coined by the BDSM community to mean ‘plain’ sex. However, it encompasses a whole lot more than that. Let’s take a look at what it actually means, and why it has been around for so long.

The term “vanilla sex” has its origins in the BDSM community. It was used to distinguish between activities that were considered “normal” or “vanilla” and those that were considered “kinky” or “edgy.” People in the BDSM scene wanted to create a clear distinction between these two types of sex, so they used the term “vanilla” to describe activities that were considered more traditional or mainstream.

Vanilla sex typically includes activities like kissing, cuddling, and intercourse, as well as other forms of physical intimacy. It does not include activities that involve power dynamics or BDSM play. The concept of vanilla sex is about mutual pleasure, with both partners taking equal responsibility for their own pleasure as well as their partner’s.

Vanilla sex is not necessarily boring or unfulfilling; it can be an incredibly intimate and pleasurable experience for both partners. By understanding the meaning behind the term “vanilla sex” and incorporating it into your relationship, you can create a deeper connection and more enjoyable experience with your partner.

The Benefits of Vanilla Sex

Vanilla sex is often seen as boring or unimaginative, but it has its own unique benefits. It can be very intimate and vulnerable, as it requires a certain level of trust between the partners. It spares you the preparation and the mental anxiety of worrying about how to please your partner. It also allows for more time to focus on the pleasure of the moment, as there is no pressure to try new techniques or positions. Plus, you burn more calories during missionary sex than other positions! And lastly, it also helps couples to focus on their emotional and intimate connection, rather than be distracted by new sexual experiences.

The Drawbacks of Vanilla Sex

While there are many benefits of opting for vanilla sex, it does have its drawbacks. One of the main issues is the use of the term ‘vanilla’ which implies that this type of sex is boring or ‘regular’ and therefore less exciting than kinky sex. This can lead to people who prefer vanilla sex feeling shamed or embarrassed, which goes against the ethos of encouraging sexual empowerment and sex positivity. Additionally, vanilla sex can sometimes lead to a lack of emotional satisfaction if you had strong feelings for someone but the sex was too ‘regular’ or plain. So, it’s important to consider both the positives and negatives when deciding whether or not to incorporate vanilla sex into your relationship.

How to Incorporate Vanilla Sex into Your Relationship

If you and your partner are looking to incorporate vanilla sex into your relationship, then there are a few key things to remember. Communication is key! Talk to each other about what you both want and need out of the experience. Set the scene and create a space that both of you feel comfortable in. Make sure you take things slow and focus on the connection between the two of you. You can also experiment with different positions, but make sure it is enjoyable for both parties involved. Lastly, don’t forget to have fun!

The Difference Between Vanilla Sex and Kinky Sex
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The Difference Between Vanilla Sex and Kinky Sex

The difference between vanilla sex and kinky sex is not so much one of type, but of degree. Vanilla sex is generally considered to be the more “standard” type of sex, while kinky sex involves activities that are more adventurous or risqué. While there is no clear-cut definition of what qualifies as kinky sex, it tends to involve elements such as BDSM, fetishes, costumes, or third-party participation. Those who identify as vanilla may prefer a more common and less adventurous approach to sex, while those who are kinkier may prefer activities that are considered outside of the mainstream. Ultimately, both types of sex can be enjoyed in a safe and consensual manner, and it’s up to each individual or couple to decide which type of sex is best for them.

The History of Vanilla Sex

The term ‘vanilla’ first originated in the kink community of the 1970s. It was used to describe non-kinky sex, and was likely derived from the notion of the vanilla ice cream being seen as the most common choice. Over time, the meaning of vanilla sex has shifted, with some now incorporating kinky activities, such as oral sex, anal sex and light BDSM, into their definition. Despite the negative connotations that often come with vanilla sex, it can be an incredibly pleasurable experience for those who choose to engage in it.


Despite some of the drawbacks associated with vanilla sex, there are many benefits to it. For example, it can be a great way to bring two people closer and create a deeper sense of intimacy. Additionally, it can be a great way to explore each other’s bodies in a safe and comfortable way.

In conclusion, vanilla sex is a broad term that can mean different things to different people. However, it’s generally seen as sex that does not involve any props, costumes, or third parties. It is typically considered to be the most common type of sexual activity and can be enjoyed by people of all orientations. Vanilla sex doesn’t need to be boring or mundane – it can be an enjoyable and intimate experience for both partners.