Some people find pegging kinky because it involves an inversion of traditional gender roles. For this reason, it can be very intimidating for those not familiar with the practice.
It’s also very possible that your partner will not be intimately familiar with pegging. In this case, you’ll want to be prepared by providing her with resources on the subject.
What do I do?
The bottom line is that if pegging turns her on and she’s up for it, go for it. But, before you take the plunge, it’s a good idea to talk about what she can expect (and what she should avoid) and make sure that she’s one hundred percent comfortable with it.
It’s also a great time to ask her what her own kinks are and explore them with her. “A lot of women have things that they’d love to try and don’t even know it,” says Joanna Myhill, a sex educator and blogger at BoySlut and an anal fetish specialist with b-Vibe. “And it’s totally okay to bring up these topics – just be sure to listen and respond to your partner, rather than trying to push them to do something that they’re not ready for.”
Another big thing to consider is the poop factor. “There’s always a possibility that you might have to clean up afterward,” says Myhill. “But if you’re careful and go slowly, especially with a strap-on harness or dildo, you should be fine.”
A big part of the appeal of pegging is that it stimulates the male prostate gland, which is sometimes called the male g-spot, resulting in an orgasm unlike any other. For some men, it’s the main reason they go for anal penetrations in general.
To help assuage your worries about poop, suggest that you both empty your bowels ahead of time and be sure to have a few wipes on hand. Also, if you do get messy, be sure to offer to clean both yourself and her. “Asking for help with cleanup is a great way to show that you value your partner’s comfort and well-being,” says Myhill.
Finally, if you’re bringing up pegging with her because she wants to be a pegger herself, be gentle and patient. It may take her a few tries to get the hang of it and be able to deliver a pleasure session that will give you both orgasms. “Pegging isn’t easy for anyone,” says Myhill. “And it’s definitely not for everyone.” Be kind and thoughtful.
How do I do it?
While the concept of pegging may be new to some, it’s becoming more and more accepted in our culture. Pegging has been featured in sex scenes in popular movies and TV shows, like Deadpool with Ryan Reynolds taking one for the progressive male team, and there is even a whole subreddit devoted to pegging (which is actually a type of anal penetration that involves the prostate). In fact, it’s a major turn-on for many women.
But while some partners will be enthusiastic about giving it a try the first time you bring up the idea, others may need a little more time to decide if it’s something they want to explore. If that’s the case with your partner, don’t push it until she is ready. Instead, offer to educate her about it through porn or erotica or suggest that she read up on the subject herself until she’s ready to discuss it again.
However, it is important that you don’t broach the topic of pegging if your partner is already in an anxious or highly sexually charged state. You’ll also likely need to be in a calm, distraction-free environment where you can have an open, honest discussion about it. You should also choose a time when neither of you are incredibly busy or stressed out.
Another way to help your partner feel more comfortable about the topic is to incorporate it into your sex talk or dirty talk, says Myhill. This gives her an opportunity to playfully fantasize about it while you’re both talking about things you find kinky and exciting.
It’s also a good idea to make sure your partner knows that you will respect their boundaries at all times. If they tell you that they are not interested in being pegged or if there are any other hard limits that they would like to stick to, be sure to note them in this conversation and make it clear that you will always respect their wishes.
Finally, be sure to use lots of lube and take your time when you’re pegging your partner. Remember, this is a mutually pleasurable experience for both of you, so don’t rush it.
Do I have to do it?
Pegging is a highly kinky sexual act that can be paired with an array of different fetishes and kinks, from butt play to masturbation and even anal gratification. It can also be incredibly emotional, especially for women and trans men who may be experiencing pegging as a form of kink that affirms their gender or non-binary identity, says Zachary Zane, founder of BoySlut and educator with Promescent. Pegging is a powerful way to explore new power dynamics and can be psychologically and emotionally satisfying for both partners, he adds.
If you want to try pegging with your partner, it’s a good idea to discuss the experience with them beforehand. You should be open to the idea, but it’s important to be sensitive and respectful of her boundaries. It’s likely that she will need time to warm up to the idea of a strap-on in her anus and learn how to control it. It’s also a good idea to provide her with resources which can help her learn more about pegging before she starts playing with it.
Ideally, you should not raise the subject of pegging during intercourse. This is a risky move because it puts her in an emotionally vulnerable position and could end up making her feel pressured to agree or even force herself to do it against her will.
It’s also a bad idea to keep pestering her about it if she refuses. This will only cause her to lose interest and is not fair to you or your relationship. Unless of course you see it as a total deal breaker and decide to move on.
Like any kink, pegging requires proper preparation and cleaning before and after the experience. This includes using a lubricant, cleaning the anal canal and ensuring that she is not allergic to the toy. It’s also a good idea for her to practice pushing the dildo in and out of her anus before trying it on you for the first time. Finally, it’s important for both of you to choose safewords for the pegging scene and to establish aftercare in case things don’t go well.
Should I do it?
The sexy, versatile dynamic sexual scenario that is pegging has been enjoyed for centuries by people of all gender expressions and sexual orientations. However, it is a kink that oftentimes gets misunderstood and misinterpreted by more conservative sexual attitudes. It is also not uncommon for people who are new to pegging or anal play to feel intimidated, scared or uncomfortable.
As such, it is important for anyone who wants to explore or experience this type of kink to approach it with caution and prepare well ahead of time. If possible, talk with your partner about pegging before you attempt it. Choose a time when both of you are calm, without distractions and have plenty of time to fully discuss the subject in question.
It is also not a good idea to surprise your partner by bringing up pegging or trying it for the first time while you are already in the bedroom together. This will likely cause her to feel scared or intimidated and is one of the fastest ways to turn her off to pegging (or any other kink) for life.
Another important thing to keep in mind is that pegging can be a very powerful, transformative sexual experience and can change the way you think about yourself and your relationship. As such, it is best to approach this kind of kink with a positive attitude and prepare yourself mentally and physically before you try it.
In addition, it is a good idea to eat a healthy diet in the days leading up to your pegging session and to use an oral laxative or anally applied enema to “flush out” your system before your session so that your sphincter muscles will be as tight and firm as possible. Lastly, it is a good idea to find out if your partner has any hard limits or things she does not want to have happen during the pegging scene and to honor those limits at all times.
Pegging is a popular kink that can be enjoyed by people of all gender expressions and sexualities and can easily be paired with many other kinks, fetishes, and styles of anal play. But if you aren’t sure how to bring it up with your partner, read on for expert advice from sex and kink experts Ian Kerner, a sex therapist, Julia Kotziamani, a love, sex, and relationship coach, Kate Moyle, a sex and relationships psychotherapist, and Gayle Brewer, a sexual behaviour and relationships psychologist.
